I've been so switched off over the last few days, my home's clean and tidy (except for the study which I fear never seeing the floor of again). My chores are done, the laundry's up-to-date. I've been supporting my sister as her husband's away. The child is clean and dry and sleeping and I am numb. The black-dog of Churchill is chasing at my heels and it scares me.
I (actually WE) have an awesome God who stands against anything and everything for us. We have an awesome Saviour who stood in the gap for us and I need Him to stand in it for me now and not let depression take me again. Today I will leave for work just after story-time about a quarter past one (with baby in tow) and collect my girls and then transport them to a meeting-place to drop off the baby. I will then take the girls home and lavish them with cuddles and games of hide-and-seek and a brainstorm to think of how to make a stone-age drum. There will be a snack and an early tea with me (to allow for the little one going to Brownies), there will be checking of spellings and setting the timer to allow for un-interruped silent sustained reading (USSR).There will be goofiness and choc-chip cookies and toast and there will be a black-dog nipping at my heels throughout or there could be.
Lord Jesus I pray in Your name that this black-dog of depression may never catch me again. I pray in Your name that it might never again take these flimsy emotions away from me or make me numb or make me angry again. You Lord can take this burden from off of me and I pray You do, Amen
Tonight I will be ministering onto an old friend Lizzie who suffers with everything going (though laziness and lack of motivation are for her like me the biggest difficulties). Lizzie needs a better friend than I to minister onto her in her need. She needs Jesus. The teaching she sits under each Sunday (when she's not preaching herself - a fact I despair of as he that stands be careful lest he should fall rings loudly in my ears) is nothing more than a sweet fairytale. There is no sin or trinity therein. There is no Bible and little God (he appears at the start of the prayers but seemingly nowhere else). I cry out for this minister to have a real encounter but he will meet his end for leading astray God's people or in any case failing to lead at all.
Lizzie is sweet and hurt and I love her dearly. She is a force of creativity and so warm and loving with flaming hair to boot. I pray that I might be a witness onto her, that God might use this poor vessel because my words and actions are as nothing without Him.
Lizzie needs Jesus and she is one of many.
Lord what can I do today to bring Your presence to Lizzie and lift her up from the doldrums of her existence and show her Your path for her? Please guide my words and actions.
Guide me also with Cayden, Nita, Macayle and my husband that I may be Jesus onto them all.
Amen
The black -dog hounds so many but The Prince of Light can slay him and raise us up. Will You let him?
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